Saturday, September 26, 2009

The Truth

Have you ever felt like you couldn’t tell the truth about yourself to the world around you?
Do you feel like those around you wouldn’t accept you for who you are or what you believe you are?
Do you ever feel like your lying to yourself just to protect your identity? Or even lying to those you believe they are your friends?
Or is it because you are afraid that they will treat you differently?
So many questions linger around your mind…but do any of those questions actually get answered? Or do you have to try and find the answer for yourself?
Now that is the question?

Everyday people feel or have a reason that they need to hide something from those around them.
They have different questions lingering in their minds wondering different things, on like how your family or friends would react…
Would they still accept me?
Would they treat me the same, or treat me differently?
Or are these people really my friends if they don’t accept me?
Many friendships may fail and it would be hard as you believed they were your true friends.
These kinds of feelings and questions get quiet personal and so confusing because you want the answer straight away…but you cant…because you’re the only one who has the answer and you are the one who has to figure it out.

Have you ever been in a position you didn’t understand the feeling and the meaning of it and it made you feel confused or even uncomfortable?
This is when these hundreds of different questions come back to you and it starts making you think…
Do I feel comfortable in this situation?
If I do this…what would happen?
What does this all mean??

Your thinking gets worse and harder for you to make out what the questions are asking you.
Do you make time for yourself to be able to think straight and to take a
breathe and slowly try and work out an answer for each question that have been lingering in your mind?
Or do you just try to avoid everything and give yourself headaches and find it hard to sleep?
Your mind is actually trying to tell you something…it’s telling you to take a moment to relax and to figure out what has been bothering you since the day you started to feel confused about yourself.

Sitting down and having a few moments to connect with my inner-self helped me relax and the headaches and lack of sleep started to die-down.
I sat down and I slowly started to go through those hundreds of questions that I wanted to be answered.
As I slowly began to fully connect with my inner-self it made it easier for me to live my normal, fun and comfortable life.

Now knowing that some of my friends know about what I’ve been feeling and going through and how confused I had been,
I’ve realized that some of my questions can only be answered if they knew the truth.
Knowing that some of my friends now know, has now made me feel more comfortable about myself and seeing who really are my true friends are…
And so far those who already know haven’t treated me differently at all.
They accepted me and have made my life easier and fun =]

Living in fear that people wouldn’t accept me or treat me differently when they knew, made me feel more afraid to come out with the truth.

Now I know…
Those who do not accept…
Those that I believed they were my friends…
Those that act differently around me and treat me differently…
Now I know who are my true friends are…
I know who I can trust and who will support me…
Who knows if you do know my secret or even have an idea…
But I was afraid to say it before and now I want to tell you…
The truth…
The truth is that I’m gay.

There was many times I wanted to say it but I was afraid,
But if you do not accept,
Tell me the truth,
Tell me how you feel about my decision I made,
Because my mind will not change,
My feelings will not change…
But the friends and friendships are the only things that may change.

If I loose your friendship, I would be hurt…for quiet a while…but at the same time I will know that you didn’t want to accept me for who I am.

I take this opportunity to tell you what have been going through and what had been lingering in my mind. Having your friendship means so much to me and I hope that you do not think of me differently and this doesn’t affect the friendship.
I rather you know the truth from me than from someone else.
So again I take this opportunity to say,
If anything does happen to this friendship,
I want you to always know that ill always cherish the friendship we have/had and I’ve appreciated having you as my friend.
So I hope to God that all of this hasn’t change anything as I have put down in words…
“The truth” about who I am now.

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