Mother & Daughter, Side-by-side.

All shes got is you.

If you left this world,
She wouldn't know how to survive...how will she cope?
You've taught her everything she needs to know, how life is and how rough it may be..
But without you beside her..
She'll feel lost,
She'll feel scared,
She'll feel...dead.
You haven't taught her how to survive....without you.

Mother & Daugher,
Side-by-side,
learning everything and sharing every memory together,
The fun times, sad times, hard times.
She looks up to you, she loves your company...she loves you.
As soon as she hears your voice or sees you, you lighten up her day and put a smile on her face.

There are times they have fights and disagree with the things they've been discussing.
Her daughter, walking away angry and not saying goodnight or i love you...hurts both of them.
They may not show it...but they walk away hurting inside and with discomfort.
Days of fighting caused by a family member...
Hurts them both, as the daughter dislikes her father and disagrees with everything he says.
She doesn't understand why her mother still loves him, after everything thats happend in their lives.
She doesn't understand why her father treats her differently.
Her mother is all she has left.

Mother & Daughter,
Side-by-side.
What will she do without you.
You're all shes got.
Don't leave...fight to live on.
She doesn't want to be selfish and see you suffer.
But she doesn't want to lose you.
You taught her everything. Shared great memories..
Gone clubbing together,
Gotten drunk together,
Cooked together,
Laughed & cried together,
Took posing photos together,
Sung together while driving,
Shopped together,
Danced together..
Many memories shared and will be remembered.

Mother & Daughter,
Side-by-side...
Our memory together will live on..
No matter where you are...your with me.
Forever remembering your words of advice.
Forever loving you..

Forever Mother & Daughter.

I always have this in mind...

I always think about this day and night...

The words.."I Love You"...
is a word i don't think i can ever say to someone...
as much i'd love to say it someone...it scares me.

I'm not affraid of commitment..
I'm not that affraid of getting hurt..
But im scared to say "I Love You"..

I might just say...
"Love you" or "Love ya"..
But only as in a friendly way.
If i say it to someone im falling for or seeing someone,
i'd say.. "Love You"

It would take a fair bit of time for me to come around and actually say the 3 little words...but its not that easy after you gave your heart out to someone and gave them pretty much your whole life in the past...Its still not that easy to just say those words.
Hope someday i'll find the right girl...and she'll be the one to hear those words :)

Love is strong...and a powerful word.
Never underestimate it...as someday you'll experience it if you haven't yet.

God Bless. x

Sometimes we think back to the times that make us smile.
Sometimes its memories of past ex's or people that just have came into your life.
Family members, friends or crushes.

Family member: My mom. The most wonderful woman in my life :)
She gave me life, taught me all i needed to know. We have the best times together, mucking around, dancing around, singing, cooking and shopping hahaha. Shes my best friend, my sister, my mother, my everything!

Friends: haha the good old memories we share, so much fun. Always there for each other and i love you'se all.

Crushes: If only they knew how i felt and how fustrating it is. But i still love them and treat them as friends no matter what :)

Hermanita Gatita

A dear sister i have and love.
Been through tough times
but have had great fun times.

How can i imagin life without her?

Its hard...
I've lost her once in the past.
It hurt me so much. What had happend was wrong..
But here you are, back in my life...
How? Why?
I do not know.
I believe God answered my prayers.
He sent you and lead you into my life.

Baby girl, i never want to lose you.
We've had our ups and downs...
but who doesn't?
You stuck by me, even when i don't want help..
you still stand by to give me advice and guide me...
but do i listen?
At that moment i read what you say...but i don't listen right away...
but...i later go back and think about what you said.
Your friendship, your love...means a lot to me.

I miss you everyday. I may not show it or sound like it...
but believe me mijita...i miss you every damn day!
Your my homegirl for life...mi hermanita.
Im gonna be there beside you no matter what.
No matter where i am...im always going to have you in my heart.
You are my life, forever and always will be mija :)

This may be the hardest thing to say or even show,
because i have been hurt many times...
but when it comes to you bebe i know i can say it...

I love you.

I do with all my heart and soul and i mean it.
Your my baby sister for life danii.
My sister for another mother hahaha.
I still love you as my own :)

Thank you Lord for sending me an angel.
I love you baby sister and never forget that.
God Bless and peace.
x

Missing & Finding you..

I feel alone..
Why do i feel happy one moment, then the next i feel so down, just so lonely...
Where are you?

I miss seeing you smile..
I miss having your company..
I miss hugging you..
I miss kissing your lips..
I miss knowning and seeing how different you are from others..
I miss watching and hearing you play the guitar..
I miss the happy feeling i had inside when you were around..
I miss the smell of your perfume...it drove me crazy everytime i could smell it.

That scent...the times i could smell it...
It would be stuck on my jumper or i could smell it on a friend...
But it's you who pops and stays in my head. Only you..
I can't stop thinking about you..

Is it bad?
Is it bad to miss you?
Is it wrong to think about you?
Is it all a crime..?
Missing you can't be a crime either..
I can't help what i feel inside..
It makes me feel happy and that there is hope.

We talked about how we felt...
We talked about where it was going..
I told you i'd wait...
Its been a while and i've been waiting...
But i haven't heard from you..
What has happened?
Have your feelings changed?
Are you pushing me away because your afraid?

I guess finding or falling for someone always ends up making you think and feel afraid...
But afraid of what exactly?
Afraid of getting hurt?
No matter what..
No matter how much you try to avoid getting hurt..
No matter what..
In the end you still do..

It takes time to find the right person..
It takes time to stay with them..
It takes time to move on..
Relationships take time..
But it tends to hurt you inside some way...
There's always going to be someone in mind...
Your always going to fall for someone you cannot have..
Or fall for someone you don't want to wait for...because you just want them to be yours..

It's life and we go through it all the time.
Everyone ends up finding someone..
I guess someday i will find the right person as people say i deserve...
I'll love and care for them just as they will...

Wherever she is...
Whoever she is...
I'll be waiting and i'll be ready for you..
As my heart is strong and full with love to be shared...

Lokiita Lissette is waiting for you.. <3

Restless Sleep...

She calls out for help…she cries out to anyone…
She can’t wake up…
She struggles in her dream…
She’s falling....

*boom*

She wakes…
Not knowing what the loud bang was in her dream…
What is it that stops her from seeing it?

Every night...she closes her eyes…wondering…will I see what happens next?
Every night...she struggles...
She can’t keep still...
Her dream...she’s falling...

*boom*

She wakes...
She begins to wonder and ask herself...
Why am I falling?
Did someone push me?
Did someone want me hurt?
Why do I continue having this dream?
What is the meaning of this?

She sits down and starts to think what this dream is trying to tell her….
What is this dream about?
Why am i falling?

A young girl...confused with everything..
Family, school, friends....
She doesn't know what to.

She's crying...running from her friend..
Her friend is calling to her to help her...but she doesn't listen..
She's falling..

*boom*

She wakes up crying.
She's so messed up...she wants to sleep...
Why can't i sleep...why am i falling?

Next morning her mother tells her sad news...
Shes sick...she doesnt have how long to go.
She crys and crys asking God why?

She's crying...running from her friend..
Her friend is calling to her to help her...but she doesn't want to listen..
She's crys out.."why God, why?"
Her friend tells her to stop and to understand that its for the best.
She crys more and says...
"it should be me...i'd rather it be me...i don't what to be here...Goodbye dear friend.."

She jumps.

*BOOM*

Suddenly she wakes..
Taking a deep breath and looking around her rooom.
"It was just a dream. Only a nightmare."
Someone was trying to tell her something...
And now she realizes how important it is to stay on earth no matter how bad a situation is.

Thank God im alive.

- Value your life, live your life...no matter what...never try to end your own life, as God will take you when the time is right -

The Clouds

I feel rain in my head I remember the clouds that spoke to me
They showed me the way
To make my own day
And I had no choice but to hear
The clouds and what they say
And they told me…

I feel rain in my head I remember the clouds that spoke to me
They showed me the way
To make my own day
And I had no choice but to hear
The clouds and what they say
And they told me...

It continues through my head…
What is it that they told me?
I wonder…do you wonder?
I didn’t have a choice but I listened…
The clouds told me there was still hope in this life…
When it rains…every drop that lands on my skin…tells me there is hope.

There’s something about these clouds…
They speak to me…
They show me the way to make my own day…
But is it really the clouds?
I believe its God…
He is the clouds…he is the rain…
He is the one talking to me…He is the one that helps me get through my day.

Every time I feel a drop of rain…I feel Him…He is sad about something…
What is he sad about?
I tell myself…every time when its raining…God is crying…
But why I think…
Is He crying because someone else is crying?
Is He crying because someone’s life was taken?
Or is it raining because God is creating new life?
He told me we needed hope in this life…
Without hope…then what will be expected in life?

God is my cloud…
God is my rain…
God is the voice in my head…
Im not alone…as He is here with me…
He is here with everyone.
God is the cloud that spoke to me and showed me the way.

The Truth

Have you ever felt like you couldn’t tell the truth about yourself to the world around you?
Do you feel like those around you wouldn’t accept you for who you are or what you believe you are?
Do you ever feel like your lying to yourself just to protect your identity? Or even lying to those you believe they are your friends?
Or is it because you are afraid that they will treat you differently?
So many questions linger around your mind…but do any of those questions actually get answered? Or do you have to try and find the answer for yourself?
Now that is the question?

Everyday people feel or have a reason that they need to hide something from those around them.
They have different questions lingering in their minds wondering different things, on like how your family or friends would react…
Would they still accept me?
Would they treat me the same, or treat me differently?
Or are these people really my friends if they don’t accept me?
Many friendships may fail and it would be hard as you believed they were your true friends.
These kinds of feelings and questions get quiet personal and so confusing because you want the answer straight away…but you cant…because you’re the only one who has the answer and you are the one who has to figure it out.

Have you ever been in a position you didn’t understand the feeling and the meaning of it and it made you feel confused or even uncomfortable?
This is when these hundreds of different questions come back to you and it starts making you think…
Do I feel comfortable in this situation?
If I do this…what would happen?
What does this all mean??

Your thinking gets worse and harder for you to make out what the questions are asking you.
Do you make time for yourself to be able to think straight and to take a
breathe and slowly try and work out an answer for each question that have been lingering in your mind?
Or do you just try to avoid everything and give yourself headaches and find it hard to sleep?
Your mind is actually trying to tell you something…it’s telling you to take a moment to relax and to figure out what has been bothering you since the day you started to feel confused about yourself.



Sitting down and having a few moments to connect with my inner-self helped me relax and the headaches and lack of sleep started to die-down.
I sat down and I slowly started to go through those hundreds of questions that I wanted to be answered.
As I slowly began to fully connect with my inner-self it made it easier for me to live my normal, fun and comfortable life.

Now knowing that some of my friends know about what I’ve been feeling and going through and how confused I had been,
I’ve realized that some of my questions can only be answered if they knew the truth.
Knowing that some of my friends now know, has now made me feel more comfortable about myself and seeing who really are my true friends are…
And so far those who already know haven’t treated me differently at all.
They accepted me and have made my life easier and fun =]

Living in fear that people wouldn’t accept me or treat me differently when they knew, made me feel more afraid to come out with the truth.

Now I know…
Those who do not accept…
Those that I believed they were my friends…
Those that act differently around me and treat me differently…
Now I know who are my true friends are…
I know who I can trust and who will support me…
Who knows if you do know my secret or even have an idea…
But I was afraid to say it before and now I want to tell you…
The truth…
The truth is that I’m gay.

There was many times I wanted to say it but I was afraid,
But if you do not accept,
Tell me the truth,
Tell me how you feel about my decision I made,
Because my mind will not change,
My feelings will not change…
But the friends and friendships are the only things that may change.

If I loose your friendship, I would be hurt…for quiet a while…but at the same time I will know that you didn’t want to accept me for who I am.

I take this opportunity to tell you what have been going through and what had been lingering in my mind. Having your friendship means so much to me and I hope that you do not think of me differently and this doesn’t affect the friendship.
I rather you know the truth from me than from someone else.
So again I take this opportunity to say,
If anything does happen to this friendship,
I want you to always know that ill always cherish the friendship we have/had and I’ve appreciated having you as my friend.
So I hope to God that all of this hasn’t change anything as I have put down in words…
“The truth” about who I am now.